Emotions
by labrat-seph
Summary: The emotions of one unsettled SOLDIERs and other characters in the world of FF VII
1. Panicked And Stressed

**Fandom/Section: **Final Fantasy VII

**Author: **labrat_seph

**Beta: **None

**Chapter: **1 of ??

**Words: **1192

**Warnings: **Lots and lots of rambling thoughts.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the characters, places, or things mentioned in any of the games.

**Summary: **The emotions of one unsettled SOLDIER. His thoughts more than anything.

**Author's Note:** This is just something I wrote because I need to write. It's not really meant to mean anything and I don't really care if anyone reads this and or likes/reviews it. Review if you like, flame if you like. I don't care. I got what I needed from this. I've been told to carry on writing, which I will, simply because it's helping me with my emotions at the moment.

**Panicked and Stressed**

Step. Step. Left. Right. Left. Right. Pause. Turn. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Pause. Turn. Repeat.

He couldn't stop, couldn't think. Thinking led to more of the same. Thinking led to more swift, shallow breaths. Thinking meant water, tears, collecting in the corners of his eyes.

No. Right now, thinking was bad. It was worse than... Than... No. No thinking. Thinking was bad.

Again the pacing resumed. Steps that were normally light and collected were loud, sloppy and unbalanced. The SOLDIER couldn't really explain the reason for it these episodes and he doubted that he would ever be able to if he hadn't yet. He wasn't sure how long this one would last, not with the fact that his calls and messages went unanswered. How many calls had he placed? How many of those mail messages had he sent out? He honestly had no clue and, again, he doubted that he would ever know. The phone in his grasp, one he had been issued long ago, only held so much information, only so much data. Then again, he didn't really want to know how desperate he had become suddenly.

He stopped, checked his phone again to see that if, by some miracle or curse, he had missed a call or a reply to anyone of the messages he had placed or sent.

Nothing.

Gaia be damned. Minerva be damned.

Where _were_ they? _Why_ weren't they answering?!

Couldn't they tell? Didn't they _sense_ that something was completely and totally _wrong_? Didn't they _realize_ that he wouldn't make that many calls, send that many messages if there wasn't a reason for it?

Dear sweet Mother Gaia. Why wasn't she answering his pleas? Why was she completely ignoring his prayers? Wasn't there _anything _she could do to help him? Why? Why couldn't she help him now, in his hour of need, of desperation?

The steps resumed, their sound bouncing off the floor, the walls and flooding his ears. Dammit! Why wasn't this helping? It always helped before! Gods above, someone... He just needed someone, _one_ of them would be enough. Both were ideal but he was willing to make do with one. They who knew him best would know what to do. They would know exactly what he needed, how he needed it.

Where _were_ they? Why weren't they _there_?

It wasn't helping, this walking back and forth. It was supposed to help but it wasn't helping right now and he had no idea what would. Not if his calls and messages went unanswered, unheeded.

What to do? What to do?

He paused again, his breathing rapid, unsteady. His nostrils flared as he swift shallow breaths of air filled his lungs. It wasn't enough, not by far but it would have to do. His hand clenched into fists as he stood in place, remaining still for all but his breathing. He was close to losing it, he knew, but he was doing everything he could to remain collected. He needed to keep from lashing out, from tearing the room apart, from blowing it up, from passing out.

He just didn't know _how_ to do that. Not right now. Nothing was helping. He was too far gone for the normal things to help him. That was blatantly obvious now. Still, he had to try. He had to.

Salvation from his mind was what he needed. The salvation he could find with them; the peace they so easily granted him with their mere presence. Of course, they never realized that they were able to do so. Well at least he didn't think that they knew.

There. Two sets. They were getting closer. Yes. _Yes!_ It was them. He could _feel _it in his very being.

Still, he remained in place and waited with the calm patience he knew he didn't have but could still display. He strained his ears, waiting for the sound he was waiting for, that he couldn't wait to hear because it would mean that he wasn't alone anymore.

His head fell forward, chin resting upon his chest as his body slowly began to tremble lightly.

Stopped. They were stopped and it was right outside the door. The door was the last barrier between them and... And...

He nearly fell then and there as it moved aside with its quiet hiss, no longer barring the path between himself and the other two he was waiting for, that he _needed_.

"Genesis!" The two voices all but shouted.

And he looked up, his eyes betraying everything that he felt, everything he knew only they would understand. They would know what to do now. He was sure.

Blessed merciful Gaia. _Thank you_. Dear venerable goddess be blessed. Bless them _both_.

It was quick and wonderful. Two pairs of arms attached to two wonderfully strong supportive bodies suddenly engulfed him. Their warmth, their comfort seeped into him, letting him know that everything was fine now, he was safe and sane.

A sigh of relief passed his lips as his head slowly fell forward to rest on the two other's with a small smile curled on his lips.

This, the simple embrace, was all that he needed for his worries, panic and stress to fade away. It was wondrous what a little bit of comfort could do to his nerves. How much it really settled him was quickly made known by the fact that he had slumped forward suddenly.

His energy was completely gone drained away by the sense of hollowness that had filled him. It was only that he was still feeling those emotions that had kept him standing before and without them he was at peace at last.

A soft snort told the other two just how relaxed their friend had become in the ten seconds they had held him together.

"Is he alright?"

"Yeah. He'll be fine."

"This isn't the first time...."

"And it won't be the last either." He shifted a little, nodding to his friend as to signal that he would be able to support the slumbering male's weight without difficulty.

"Angeal," The first speaker had said, a worried frown upon his facial features. "This isn't normal."

The Banoran answered with a light, soft chuckle, his head shaking. "Genesis is anything but normal Sephiroth. You should know that by now."

Sephiroth narrowed his eyes a little, following after Angeal as the other carried Genesis to his own room. He couldn't help but agree with Angeal that nothing about Genesis _was_ normal but his random outbursts of emotion were strange, even for the slumbering man.

"What caused it this time?"

"I don't know," the man answered as he placed Genesis into the bed, his friend taking care to remove his shoes before covering him up. "We'll ask when he wakes. For now, just let him rest..."

"Alright..." Sephiroth nodded as he followed Angeal to the door, softly closing it behind them as they left Genesis to sleep. He wouldn't forget to ask, even if Angeal was willing to let it go and accept that they had helped for the time being.

Later, the answers would come. For now, he could wait.


	2. Sorrow

Characters are not mine. Square Enix owns the world, Kaivi owns the two females.

**A/n:** Dealing with certain emotions currently. This chapter reflects one of those feelings but not in the intended manner. It was originally meant to be about someone else but... Sometimes writings don't go according to plan. Let me know what you think or don't. That's up to you.

**Sorrow**

The dawn came as it did any other day. Slowly the rays of light began to make their way into the room. They dragged and inched themselves along the floors, walls and any surface they touched. They caressed, warmed and soothed all, everything they came in contact with.

Until they reached the figure sitting in the far corner.

His knees were drawn up to his chest, held there by the pair of arms wrapped around them. His face remained hidden as his forehead rested against his knees. Without close and carefully watchful eyes, the small trembles went unnoticed. They were the only proof of breaths being taken, shakey though they may have been.

The rising, warm sun did nothing for him. It called to him, pleaded with him to arise, to see that a new day had come. To feel the soft and gentle touch, to want more, to seek more. The warm light, the source, beyond the window beckoned. It whispered for him, softly called his name.

He did not answer. He couldn't for how could a new day be here when the nightmare was not yet over? How could anything ever again be warm when she, the only one to look at him with those beautiful, adoring and loving eyes, was no longer there? How? How could she... how could she leave? Just like that?

_"She isn't coming back..."_

The words tore at him.

They were spoken softly, tenderly, and he hated them all the more for it.

They were true. She wasn't... She would _never _return... Never hear her voice, her laugh... He would never see her smile, never know her touch, whether it was as innocent as a hand resting on his cheek or a deeply passionate kiss... _Never_ again would he know that... those soft and gentle caresses... She was the only one to ever grace him with those.

_"She isn't coming back..."_

Oh how he wished it weren't so. How he longed to make those words false, to go down to the medical bay or the labs and find her there hard at work as always...

But that wasn't possible, he knew, and each time the thought coursed through him a new wave of pain, of agony coursed through him. His throat constricted, his heart clenched and the pain, the overwhelming sorrow, remained. It wouldn't leave him. It consumed him whole and he drowned in it.

Worse still, he couldn't find himself to care. How could he care about anyone or anything, even himself, when she was no longer with him? When she was no longer at his side to help him, to support him and offer every bit of what she was for him. He did and would have done the same for her. He gave her his all, his body, his mind his very soul. His heart was hers alone.

_"She isn't coming back..."_

And yet.... She was no more.

Gone...

Forever gone.

He was alone again. Alone in a crowd. Surrounded by friendly faces, kind words and caring gestures.

But they weren't _hers_. They could never be _hers._

There was no one that could replace her, what she meant to him. No one could fill the hole in him that her death left. No amount of time would ever make the pain go away. Never would he stop missing her. He would never again live a day where the sun's call was meet with a smile. He would never awaken with her next to him, her warm body pressed against his, his arms loosely but gently wrapped around her, his face burrowed into her dark raven locks.

He made a promise then. Never again would he spend his nights with another, no matter how long he continued to live. She was with the planet now and, when the time was right, he would join her. She would never forgive him if he took his own life. She would hate him for lea-

"Daddy...?"

The silver general raised his head and quickly wipped the proof of his emotions from his eyes. His legs extended and his arms were out stretched, calling his daughter forward, to him, with a single motion.

Slowly and clumsily she did and the moment that she was within reach he wrapped his arms around her. She still had lingering traces of her mother, of the smell that would fade in time. For now he took a deep breath, trying to commit it to memory.

"Good morning Lin."

"G'morning daddy..." She looked up at him, with eyes so much like his it almost hurt even more.

Why couldn't she have _Her_ eyes? Or her hair? Everything about the little girl screamed that she was his. There was little, if anything, in their daughter that said She was her mother...

"Where mommy?"

The knife in his heart twisted again. His throat closed but somehow he was able to swallow and bite back his emotions.

"Mommy is....." Another shaky breath he took, an attempt to steel himself. "She isn't coming back..."


End file.
